LETTER TO AN EX–CRUSH

Dear Omotayo,

It’s been six months since we spoke but I can’t get you off my mind no matter how hard I try.

I’ve received all forms of advice and searched the internet for ‘ways to get over one’s crush’ but nothing seems to work. Tobaj and Samad said I should just free you and move on. But how can I? How can I move on when you’re the one that comes to my mind everytime I try to sleep?

We met during the faculty freshers welcome and even though we barely knew each other, it was obvious we had a connection. We talked so much on WhatsApp and I’ve never smiled so much, all my friends knew something was up. We became so close and fond of each other, we were basically seeing everyday.

It’s weird because now that I think about it, I don’t know why exactly I have a crush on you. It’s not like you went out of your way to flirt with me or court me. We had normal conversations about normal things and you teased me constantly about how young I was. Sometimes you were vulnerable. you didn’t keep secrets from people, but I knew those conversations we had weren’t ones you discussed so often. I felt like you actively involved me in your life — and although I shouldn’t have — I felt special.

Remember when I texted you and told you I no longer felt anything for you and that I’ve moved on? Tayo, I was lying . I wanted to move on. I really did. I wanted you to be happy and to be free. But what I wanted most was for you to accept me. I know I’m younger than you are but its just 2 years, I really really like you girl!

I want us to be friends again. I know we’ve gone down this path before and my feelings would show up again but Tayo, there’s no other thing I could do.

You’d think I should be able to have this conversation with you to clear things up, but if it takes me three days to mentally prepare myself to tell you “hi”, how could I manage that? I miss talking to you randomly and knowing things about you. But I’ve messed up this exact situation once, and I don’t want to do it again.

Times with you were the happiest memories of my life and I just want that happiness back.

Yours friend,
Bayo.