Suicide is a global problem and not only affects the victims, but also the family, friends and society of the victim.
Usually, no one can express a suicide story unless they have been casualties. Suicide victims always have a story to tell and these differ.
In this series on Suicide, we will be looking at stories of individuals who contemplated suicide.
June 7, 2020
“End it, end it, you have no family and your friends do not care. Remember, you sent them away and if you should end it now, no one will bat an eyelid, no one will cry and no one will blame you. You deserve to die now!”
These were the thoughts that kept running through my mind earlier that year, I sat for JAMB the 3rd time and scored 205. The previous scores were 246 and 289 in 2017 and 2018 respectively.
In 2018, I gained admission to study Radiology at the University of Lagos, but I couldn’t pay the acceptance fee because my only parent was hospitalized at Lagos State University, Teaching Hospital. (LASUTH), after being diagnosed with chronic renal failure as she had to go through dialysis.
Our resources including the content to my mother’s store in Oshodi was sold to pay off hospital bills. Unfortunately, after spending about 18 weeks at the hospital, she died. I was devastated, I was not concerned about my admission any longer because I had to do menial jobs to take care of my younger sister and myself.
There was no family to run to, my mother’s siblings were irresponsible as they were dependent on my mother before she was ill. I don’t know my father’s relatives as my mother refused to tell us about them; he left home when I was 4, my mom was 6 months pregnant with my younger sister.
During those periods of running errands for people and doing menial jobs, I decided to sit for another Jamb and picked the University of Ibadan just as we moved to our grandma’s house in Ibadan. I sat for the jamb and scored 205 of which I chose Human Nutrition as my preferred course of study, then. I decided that I would work hard for the post-utme, and also save money for school, but the lockdown came.
Before the lockdown, I had to leave Ibadan for Lagos to work. As the lockdown came and it was much difficult to survive. I stopped talking to friends and I stopped calling my grandma and siblings. I felt my dreams were shattered.
Firstly, my only parent who was my best friend was no more and I lost my admission as a result. Secondly, my life was a mess because I kept making mistakes and I won’t even get over it. Lastly, my friends are doing well and I am not in any way close to their reach.
I wept daily and I stopped eating. I was always in my small room. I stopped taking my bath, I cried often as I stopped talking. I started feeling sore in my mouth and it was oozing out terrible odour including my body. Still, I neglected caring for myself.
A particular night in June as it was exactly 6 days to my birthday, I decided to end my life. I had people talk about taking snipper to end their life and I thought it was a good way to die.
That night I got up and left the room for the first time after several days indoor and headed to a store close to my house. I met my mother’s friend and she recognized me, she was shocked to see me looking unkempt and she asked where I lived. She gave me her contact to call her the following day and she left. I bought the snipper and left the store.
Unknowingly for me, the storekeeper had sensed something was wrong and decided to trail me because he wanted to know why I bought the insecticide. I got home, said a wish, and took a gulp of the insecticide…
Most suicides are related to mental disorders or illnesses. Depression, substance abuse and psychosis are the most risk factors for suicides.
Suicides and suicidal thoughts may arise from depression and unresolved grief.
From the story above, the victim lost her mother and her admission. From the unresolved grief of losing her mother, she started withdrawing herself from her friends.
Call a friend if you notice their sudden and unusual withdrawal from people.
People living with depression oftentimes experience different thoughts totally before and after a depressive episode. This can be a result of a chemical imbalance of serotonin and norepinephrine and can lead to the person not understanding the several options available to help relieve their suffering.
Oftentimes, because of their irrational thoughts, they don’t know their depression can be treated, so they don’t seek medical help. Their emotions and physical pain can become unbearable and they irrationally feel their pain can end when they die.
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